Am I a Big Disappointment
to my Mom?

by Anonymous
(Iceland)

Well, I've wanted to tell someone about this for a long time but there's no one in my life that I can talk to so I found this website instead.

It's about my cold hearted mother. I just can't stand her! It doesn't matter what I do, it's never good enough. Example: if I clean the house when she is away I do not get thanks when I get back like: "Oh, did you clean the house, how nice of you." Instead she says something like this: "Did you clean the house? Well you missed a spot over there ... and there ..."

And always when I suggest something, that might be fun or something, she always answers me like I'm making a problem. She even thinks it's a problem to celebrate my birthday, she says I'm to old for it (I'm 17 btw).

And it's not possible to make her some kind of surprise (that came from my father), she always manages to ruin it somehow.
Anyway, long story short, I can't stand my mother.

But the thing is that just yesterday I found out that my cold hearted mother was never this cold hearted. And guess when it changed ... right after I was born.

Alright, I think I have to start at the beginning. My great grandmother and my grandmother were quite close because they lived together their whole life, even after my grandmother met my grandfather. And the only time in my grandparents life they spent alone together was 6 months between my great grandmothers death (because she lived with them) and my grandfathers death.

Before my great grandmother died, my grandparents had two children, my mom and her brother. Basically my great grandmother took care of them because my grandmother has never been a kid person (not even now, I barely know my grandmother ...)

Anyway, then my mother met my father and she kinda had her life figured out. She was going to have at least 5 children and travel the world and stuff. But they got one girl (my sis) when they were about 20 and twelve years later they adopted a boy (my bro) from Shri Lanka because they had been told that they couldn't have more kids together.

I bet that was a really hard time for both of my parents but then a strange thing happened seven years later or when my mom was about 40, she got pregnant with a girl (my other sis) and somewhere after she was born and I was born (2 years later) my mom had a miscarriage.

And according to my dad my mom got depressed after I was born and she has never been the same. It got me thinking. She has always been disappointed with me from the start. I was her only fat child, all my siblings are slim and like sports and stuff.

I've never liked sports but my whole life I've tried to be like my big sister and I've tried out many sports and never lasted in any of them. My other sisters like school and work their asses off in school and work and always have high grades. I've always hated school. My grades are good though but it's the most boring thing I do, study.

So basically I'm the fat lazy kid that was never supposed to be born. What if that miscarriage had never happened?

Then my mom would've had another great child and I, the big disappointment, would never had been born.

So, that's my story.