Are you Breaking-Up
the Easy- or the Hard Way ?

Read up here on people's stories how they are breaking-up their marriages or relationships:

Gail & Zack: married for 23 years (Gail’s story)
Breaking-up and breaking down

We have been married for 23 years now and have 2 children of 16 and 18 years old.
For the past years I feel that Zack my husband and I are connecting better.
Zack had been neglecting me for most of our marriage and that is why I felt so happy when things started picking up between the two of us.

But 2 months ago Zack told me he was seeing somebody else. I was totally shocked.
I remember I stayed in a state of disbelief for quite some time.
Then it hit me and I felt an enormous hate towards the other woman.
I was being rejected and dumped like an old pair of shoes.

Rages of jealousy went through me.
Next I realized my whole world was collapsing was falling apart like it was nothing.
All those years of marriage were gone, over and out.
We are breaking-up. All my dreams were crushed.
From that moment on, I could not stand being around Zack.
I had to leave the house to keep my sanity.

Zack is going through a mid-life crisis and he wants to give his life a different direction.
That means breaking-up the relationship and abandoning me.
This breaking-up is hurting like I have never experience before in my life.
It is like a destructive force going through me, my life and my family.
I feel hurt, abandoned, betrayed, rejected and most of all I feel pain, pain, pain.
I failed this relationship, my marriage, my family. I failed myself.

How am I going to get over this huge loss and breakup?
How am I going to live like a divorced wife?
How am I going to manage my finances, get a decent affordable house, take care of my kids when this marriage is going to end so miserably?
It’s far more miserable than so many other ending relationships because what Zack did to me and the children is so unreasonable!
I am very fearful of my future.
Can not see how my life will ever be OK.

I am the kind of guy that likes stability and enjoys time at home doing my own things when I’m not at work.
It’s fine to go on a trip once a year or so, but I’m happy staying at home too.

So I felt miserable breaking-up when she left.
I felt lonely. I told myself I should go out to meet people but going out did not make me happy.
I missed Erin.

I also was at a loss on what to say to our friends and the neighbors about Erin and me being separated and all.
At work I did not need to say anything about what was going on.

Six months later Erin was back.
She said she now knew what her life was about.
She decided to quit her job and to start her own small business.
She moved back in with me and boy, was I relieved and happy!

I remember we had a great time together.
We went on a trip to Europe and had romantic dinners in romantic places in Paris, London, Stockholm, Vienna and Prague.
We enjoyed ourselves.

Erin’s business took off pretty well.
It kept her busy and everything went back to normal.
Or so I thought because a year or so later she just lost it.
She said I was not supportive enough and not inspiring at all.
I just did not have the guts to do anything new and innovative.
She said she really wanted to breakup with me, make it official and get a divorce.
This time the separation was for real. The first breakup two years ago, was just a trail separation. There was no way I could save our relationship now, it was really breaking-up and ending!

I was stunned. I felt confused and hurt.
How can this breaking-up be happening all over again?
How can I fail my relationship all over again?

A friend asked me if I wanted her back if she would again come around.
I do not know.
The trust I had in her and in our marriage has been hurt badly.
I actually do not believe we should be together any more, though I wished all this never happened.
But there is no turning back this time.

Tracy & Jon: married for 15 years (Tracy’s story)
I am not the one who asked for a divorce

Jon’s unhappiness has not to do with our marriage, it’s in Jon himself.
I don’t think his new girlfriend can make him happy.
Maybe I am just jealous and don’t wish them well, ha!

I heard he wants to get marry again.
I heard that she is pregnant with his baby.
He wants to marry her or she is pressuring him into a wedding, but I and Jon are still working on divorcing for heaven’s sake!

Before I sign any divorce papers, I want to settle the financial issues first. I am not in a hurry to have this divorce over and done with quickly, so let’s see who is up on this one. I am not emotional about the divorce.

I don’t want any problems, but I do want some satisfaction, because there are three persons in this marriage.
They are in love and I am standing alone, so I will have my needs being met.
I am 45 now and I don’t feel good about starting all over again.
Jon and I have several companies, houses, assets and sorting out all these things will take time.
Hey, I am not the one who asked for a divorce.

Catherine & Eric: married for 31 years (Catherine’s story)
I just want to feel alive again

I wanted out of this boring marriage for a decade now.
Most of the time Eric irritates me with the ‘Eric’ ways he does his things.
I know I can not change Eric and I have given up on having an exciting relationship with him. I want out!!!

Sometimes I don’t even care anymore that I would not get my fair share of our assets because I feel like I’m wasting my life in this dead marriage if I stay for a day longer.
I am 51 years now.
I have a great career that is paying well and I should be able to quit working in 4 years time.
My lawyer will sort out the financial side of this drama.

Life is passing me by and there are so many interesting people to meet and places to go to.
I hated how I have wasted 20 years already.
I need space to breathe because this marriage suffocates me.
Though it's hurting, I know I am doing the right thing breaking-up with Eric. I just want to feel alive again!

Jason & Vicki: married for 6 years (Jason’s story)
Financial problems gave marriage problems

Last year I got laid off.
Can not say I was having enough drive and energy to score a new job.
I stayed at home feeling down.
Vicki called me a lazy husband while she was struggling to make ends meet for the family.
We have Adam, our son of 4.

The tension and irritation started building and building.
Vicki demanded I go get help finding a job, any job.
Next she wanted to have marriage counselling.
I just could not do it.
Now she wants a divorce.
I am tired of her demands and her telling me what to do.
Maybe I am a coward and a spineless loser.
So maybe we are all better of breaking-up and ending this marriage.

• Relationship Problems Tip:
If you want to end your relationship, ask yourself:
Do I want to end my relationship because of:

• Fear
• Fear of change
• Anger
• Frustration
• Wounded pride
• Feeling rejected
• Feeling abandoned
• Feeling abused
• Feeling betrayed
• Feeling denied in who I am
• Jealousy

Feelings which I was not able to confront and handle before?
And if there would be a way for me to confront and handle these feelings, would I be willing to come to terms with these feelings?

If so, give yourself permission to ask for professional help.


• Relationship Problems Tip:
Ask yourself:
Would I consider taking action to coming to a clean closure of my breaking-up and ending relationship?


• Relationship Problems Tip:
Ask yourself:
Would I consider grieving for my loss in this breaking-up?
Read up on Grieving for My Loss now.


• Relationship Problems Tip:
Ask yourself:
Would I consider forgiving the other person?
Read up on the Forgiveness Basic Process now.


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