Dr. Elisa daughter of
Marian "Betrayal"

by Dr. Elisa Galinaitis
(Springhill, Florida, USA)

Like other daughters betrayed by their mothers, I was shocked by my mother's words and actions the day she betrayed me when she publicly spoke against my role as a mother during my divorce hearing.

I was in complete shock and could not ever say a word back against her. I have two children and have always loved and respected my parents as their grandparents.

I had even thrown a surprise 40th anniversary party for them not long before that infamous day in court; the day I "lost" my mother.

My mother and I had shared years of common interests like shopping trips, grandchildren's birthdays and many other family occasions.My father was a dentist and my mother his receptionist.

I had worked in the family business since I was a child and after dental school, worked in the family practice until I established my own practice with my husband. But my health took a turn for the worse when I developed rheumatoid arthritis.

Just before my husband shocked me with divorce papers, I had been very ill with complications of the disease that had caused me to be hospitalized in the ICU and bed ridden. I worked as a dentist until the RA worsened to a point of debilitating me from working.

My mother gradually pulled away from me as I became more ill. When the RA meds failed to work for me, my doctor recommended I move to a warmer climate.

I had discussed living in Florida with my husband during the winter but it would require some planning.

Our children were 16 and 14. At some point my mother decided that she did not want "her" grandchildren to live in Florida (she lives in Maryland). She never spoke to me about this.

I wish I had known this and been more aware of my mother's controlling personality, because the next thing I knew, I was dealing with a parental kidnapping of my 16 year old son, orchestrated by my husband and mother.

This was followed by a divorce and child custody battle with my mother at my husband's side, to keep "her" grandchildren; she seemed to forget that they were my children; and she has eight other grandchildren as well.

I have tried to forgive my mother for the trauma that nearly took my life, cost me my business and left me close to bankruptcy.

My relationship with my children was damaged and has taken three years to stabilize. If my mother had communicated her feelings with me before the court room drama, a lot of heartache could have been prevented.

Even though I am a doctor,I often feel helpless in dealing with my mother. My hope is that our relationship is repaired before it is too late; she is in her seventies. She doesn't answer or return my phone calls or respond to the greeting cards I send to mark her birthday or holidays.

I pray everyday for some explanation and resolution of her actions, but I know she has her own issues with her relationships and life; unfortunately repairing our mother-daughter relationship is not a priority for her.

I try to stay focused on my future with my daughter who was fully aware of her grandmother's betrayal of me. In an effort to calm our lives after the divorce, I spoke to my daughter with reassurance saying, "I will never betray you (like my mother betrayed me) and I will always love you." When I finished speaking,she replied with the two most wonderful words, "I know".
I must have done something right.