Fractured Relationship

by Elizabeth
(Ontario, Canada)

Lately, I just can't stand talking to my mom or being around her more than just a few minutes. This makes me feel guilty and sad that we do not have a closer relationship.


My mother has been very inconsistent throughout my life and I think I resent her for this. I am the eldest of four children. Up until I was 12, she treated me like her best friend. She confided in me - a little too much - and we did everything together. Then, at 13 she had an affair with her best friend's husband and told my father to leave. She then married the new man. For the next 8 years she wore leather pants, went dancing in the city and drank booze.

Then, when I was in my early 20s she became a born-again-Christian and became quite extreme with her views. I am now 30, and last Christmas she made the announcement that according to her Google research and a DNA test (from a website) she is Jewish.


Because of her history and the extreme nature of each of these phases, I don't place very much value on anything she says. I find her inauthentic, cheesy and downright irritating. She is also very passive aggressive and is a constant look-on-the-bright-side advice type of person (without letting you vent about the situation).


Lately, I have distanced myself from her and we have had a few blow ups about this. She is very intense and won't just let me be. I would be content with a cordial, distant (talking weather, etc.) kind of relationship.


How do I move forward with my relationship and be respectful, while inside I just want to run every time I hear her voice?


- Elizabeth