Grieving for Your Loss after Breaking-up

Read up here on people's stories how they are grieving for their losses after breaking-up their marriages or relationships:

Nathalie & Yves: married for 14 years (Nathalie’s story)
An early on grieving

I could feel that my marriage was coming to an end.
Six years before we actually separated I felt that something was wrong.
Not that we had big marriage-problems, but I felt lonely in the marriage and felt that something was missing.
Love and passion were long gone, I doubt if Yves had any grain of respect left for me.

We were living our separated lives while living in the same house.
We hardly talked and if we did it was about our daughter Sacha of 10.
We also talked about our work or managing the household or agreements to go to social events, vacation trips and outings.
But nothing about ourselves personally or our marriage let alone our feelings.

Around two years before we got divorced I started having spells of sadness.
I just cried and cried and cried for no apparent reason.
Later I realized I was already grieving the death of my marriage and mourning about the separation and loss.
I prayed that this hurt would end and I would be released from the loneliness and pain and find love again.

When Yves started seeing another woman one year before we got divorced, it made sense to me.
I mean, it hurt me a lot back then but I could see how this was just the natural progression of things.
I was struggling with the pain and coldness of our marriage and so did he.

During this time I connected with a coach specialized in relationships.
We took the inside out approach.
This way I fairly easy discovered my issues and patterns stemming from my parent’s marriage and their divorce.
How I copied my parents was really an eye opener for me!

Fortunately Sacha has not suffered too much from the divorce.
I was able to keep connected to her and regularly talk about what was going on with her dad and me.
I invited Sacha to tell me how she felt and that it is OK to feel whatever she was feeling.
I also made sure Sacha understood that she was not to blame for the divorce and that she was not responsible for it.
I want her to have a happy childhood and from that perspective Yves and I tried my best to make the separation as smoothly as possible.

I released all my frustration, pain and loneliness. It took some time for me to be able to forgive Yves and more importantly to forgive myself for my failed marriage.
I believe that the grieving process and coming-to-a-clean-close as well as being able to forgive are essentials to starting over with a clean slate.

Blaming Chris for not living up to my high expectations, I did not confront that I was the one creating these high expectations.
Of course I was also the one being disappointed and hurt with Chris and our marriage.

Having high expectations, waiting for my man to make me happy, is my pattern.
This is also my mother’s pattern.
My mother never got a divorce because that is not done.
Instead she lived with my Dad in a marriage with bitterness and coldness.
My mother was a bitter and nagging wife.

I decided I never would accept a marriage like that and become a bitter nagging wife.
Divorcing seems like the perfect solution.
Something my mother was not up to.

However skipping the grieving process and not confronting my inner stuff, made me divorce and blame the men in my life.
Like my mother, I was not happy either.

It took some time for me to see all of this.
Grieving for my lost dream and the lost dream of my mother really, made all the difference.
Cause this woman’s mission is not to live a bitter life.
I want to become a happy woman!

When Diana left me and with all the divorce things going on I was submerged in my hurt and hard feelings.
The only way I knew how to deal with this hurt, was to drink.
Numbness gave me some peace.

I was not acknowledging what I was feeling at all, let alone properly grieving for the loss of the love of my life and break down of my marriage.

Signing the divorce papers also did not bring the marriage to a closure for me because I had not let go of Diana and our marriage.
I refused to admit that she was gone out of my life. I hit the bottle hard during that time.

I lost my job.
I lost contact with my life really.
It took a couple of years to come to terms with my destructive drinking problem.
Sobering up only allowed all the painful stuff to surface and this hit me even harder.

It took a miracle for me to not drown again.
Bit by bit I confronted my feelings.
Grieving for loosing Diana and the marriage took a long time.
I am sorry for my fixed ways; wasted love and time.
They tell me it is never too late to grieve and let go.
It’s never too late start over and I’m holding on to this.

What was there before how beautiful it was, is no more.
There is no way to holding on to things.

Grieve for your losses and let go of the past.
Allow your life to move forward to the next phase.

SBI!