How can i fix my mother daughter relationship???

by Victoria
(Washington)

My mom was never there when i was growing up, and when she was there she was drunk or sent us to the sitter. She always said why do it myself when i can pay someone to.

She finally left my dad after cheating for a few years and won custody of me. We always fight and still do.

I am now married and have a child and one on the way. She has been trying to fix our relationship through my step siblings for the past 4 years. She treats them the way i always wanted to be treated but still wont treat me like that.

She always tells me what im doing is wrong and that i can always fall back on her but anytime i am having trouble or just need someone to talk to
I try and i get pushed to the back for EVERYONE else. im tired of trying with her even though everyone says just keep trying.

I was at a breaking point when i found out i was pregnant and my other side of the family stopped talking to me i tried talking to her but she wouldn't listen either so i exploded and told her i considered my old sitter more of a mother than she was to me and she told me the only reason my old sitter cared to talk to me was because she paid her to.

I don't think i can fix things with her i call her she either wont answer or will tell me she will call me back and never does until i call her husband and he hands her the phone.

I just don't feel loved.

Do you think i should give up or suffer through this more and more?
I’m only 20 but i want to be happy in life not always upset like i am now?