I can't seem to get over being rejected yet again by my Mom.

by Kelly
(NH USA)

I am really thinking of just walking away from any communication with my Mother. It has never been perfect but I have always tried hard to please her and be a dutiful daughter. After Dad died I really lost the family I knew. Dad was the glue that kept us together and sane. We all got along great. Mom on the other hand played favourites and the two youngest are her favourites and me, the oldest and my middle sister the least liked. My Mom had my Dad change the will on his deathbed and basically what she did was have him put everything in her name instead of giving each of us kids a house as he planned. My Mom went kind of nuts with money until it was gone and she was down to the waterfront duplex and his pension. Her bf left her when the money ran out and she actually got more attentive again.

My sister that is a year younger then me had a second child and invited me and my son to see him. We lived a couple states away and I worked 12 hours that day and then drove the 3 hours to their house. I was beat and should not have drank but we were all drinking wine on the porch on a nice summer night. My sister went to bed leaving me with BIL and he is a real car salesman type and obnoxious but I tried being pleasant.

He said lets take a walk around the block to get some air so I did and that was a huge mistake. He ended up pushing me into the back of a pickup with the tailgate down and putting his hand under my clothes and I tried fighting him off then everything went black. The next morning I woke up in their older kids sweatshirt and my bra was unhooked. I was on a cot and don't remember how I got there. I threw up a lot that morning and thought I must have drank too much. I remembered what happened up until I passed out and when I saw car salesman he gave me a look like "Don't say a word"! I felt sick at what he did but didn't want to hurt my sister so we took the kids swimming and I said I wasn't feeling well and my son and I headed home.

I stopped at the ER in town and had a rape kit done which thankfully came back negative. My fiancé was so mad and felt bad he didn't go with us but he couldn't stand my BIL. He ended up calling him and threatening him with bodily harm if he ever touched me again. My sister must have overheard somehow and called me the next day at work. I just said I had to much wine and he tried to have his way with me. She of course blamed me and hung up on me. My Mom called me and said I needed to take the blame for what happened and I refused because he did not have to take the blame also. My Mom said well then your never going to speak to your siblings again. I was disowned in 1995. The thing was my Mother still wanted to come and visit me a few times a year and see my son who was her favourite grandson. I was not allowed to go to her home ever again and Ryan never saw his cousins again.

Two years ago she decided to unload all her assets so she would beat the 5 year rule. Basically If 5 years went by a nursing home or hospital would not be able to go after her assets if it was given away to her children 5 years prior. I was also disinherited because I got nothing. She hadn't mentioned that? My son got 50,000 and bought a mobile home and the two favourite children got the waterfront duplex.

My Mom has a new bf she met at her 50th reunion and they have been dating a few years now. They live a state away from each other so every other week they visit each others home. They spend the winters in Florida and travel a lot. My Mom won't marry him because she would lose my fathers hefty pension and insurance but her bf is very well off and could afford it but she said no. She would lose control if she did that. She see's his kids every other week as they all live close by on a lake more then she see's her own kids and grandkids. She brought him up to meet my son and me twice over lunch and he is a very nice man. He has two children my age he is close to. I know he would not mind and this is my Mom's attempt at keeping the skeletons in the closet. God only knows what she has told him and she might get caught in a lie.

So at Thanksgiving on the phone she mentioned she was going to my sisters with her bf. I said are his kids invited? She said no they had theirs the week before. I said That my son and I would love to go down and meet them sometime next summer as they live on a lake and my Mom said No. I asked, why not? She said, Because we don't want our kids to mix. I said but you said my bother has been to his house before and met his son. She said, Well He's my baby boy. I said, So I won't meet them until your funeral? My Mother just said "I guess so". After I got off the phone I cried for days. I just couldn't believe I was not allowed to ever meet Waynes kids or going to his home also.

I told my son and he couldn't believe it either. I am just so heart sick. I still have not called her back and am praying for an answer. So This morning as usual I was having my morning coffee before work reading Facebook and I noticed my sisters picture kept showing up saying "You may know this person" type thing that you get as suggestions to add to your friends list. My Mom is on my friends list and has been for years but she said she never uses it. She really didn't because she prefers e-mail and didn't have a picture up or anything in her profile. Then it hit me that my sister can probably read my Facebook because she is on my Moms list and so am I... My Mom must have been spying to see what I was doing since I have not returned her call. My Mom is nosey and reads all her bf's e-mail because she has his password and she goes through my drawers etc. when she is here visiting. I thought hmmm I wonder what she is up to? I thought let me check my Mom's wall out and see if it is still bare. I almost fell over because she has it set up with a picture of herself and an article about my brothers new business venture. Funny she never mentioned it to me? So she is spying on me to see what my reaction was to her telling me I am disowned from the bf's family too.

I just started crying again because this is really sad that she has to spy on me to make sure she hurt me but too bad for her because I don't use Facebook to talk about my personal life. I also realized that she restricted me or blocked me because I never got any alerts or notifications she put up a new profile picture or changed her profile like I do with my other friends. My brother is good with computers so he most likely set her up on Facebook. I am flabbergasted but not surprised my own Mom did this. I put her my no contact list so the next time she snoops she will see I figured it out.

So once again I am denied access to her on Facebook which she knows I use daily! At this point I want to write her off so bad. I would never stand in the way of her relationship with my son but I mean for me I am done. I don't want to do or say anything I'll regret so I have not returned her call.

I guess I need advice on how would you deal with a Mom like mine? Is it a daughters responsibility after getting disowned twice, disinherited, defriended on Facebook and continually hurt by her to keep letting her? She only comes up to visit a couple times a year for one night so this is not a huge loss at this point. She can visit my son at his home.

Thanks and sorry so long... Kelly