I Don't Know What to Think Anymore!

My mother is starting to seem like one big lie to me. I used to have a good relationship with her until I started noticing how horrible she can actually be.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the military. If I'm one minute late coming home, she yells at me and I get in trouble. I just graduated high school but I feel she thinks I'm still a little kid. She feels that I'm over weight (although I'm not) so she won't let me eat sometimes. She's up when I get ready for school so I can't eat in the morning and I can't eat after work because it's too late. I only ever have more than just a snack when I'm at my boyfriend's.

When she does cook (which is rare) she has me clean up her huge mess. And she just goes up in her room with her boyfriend. Sometimes she makes me go grocery shopping for her or drive my brother around when she is clearly home and not doing anything. Her reasoning is basically that she buys me things and I owe something back.

But she is my mother. Isn't she supposed to provide for me? And I remember her always saying that money can't buy love, but that's all she seems to care about anymore. I need more than material objects.

She prides herself with being an excellent mother and being able to raise a great family all by herself. But now I can see she's just convincing herself.

I have caught her lying to multiple people including me, my brother, and her boyfriend. She talks horribly about people behind their backs, and she thinks everything is someone else's fault.

She's only been dating her current boyfriend for about a year and he's been permanently living in our house for over 7 months. I barely know him and he gets angry fast. I feel uncomfortable in my own home. She's done this with her past boyfriends too, although most of them didn't last long.

She constantly tells me the way she wants my hair or how she'd rather me wear something else. I don't dress inappropriately or dark or anything. She says she hates my room and always threatens that she's going to redo it. She takes credit for things that she didn't do. Like cut my hair (which I do myself). I've caught her multiple times telling someone that she did it.

The thing that gets me the most is how fake she can be. She never used to take us to church or have us involved in any kind of religion. She taught us about it but never enforced it. When I was in 8th grade I told her that I didn't believe there was any sort of higher power. She said she understood and was the same way. She was glad she didn't have to pretend anymore. Well her new boyfriend is extremely religious and she has started going to church with him. I just thought she was being nice until she started wanting my brother and I to go. She then told me that she believed in God and in religion and "always had". This sounded crazy to me and when I confronted her about it she said she didn't accept what I believed in and wouldn't until I "went to church three times soon and made my decision afterward".

If this is an act, it hurts because she would lie like this to impress someone she'll probably break up with in a few months. If it's not an act, it hurts that she doesn't accept me for who I am.

She divorced from my father when I was about 7. He is an excellent person who remarried to an excellent woman with an excellent daughter. Although he lives far away and I only see him a few times a year, I always keep in touch and I know of how wonderful a family they are. I live with them for a few weeks out of the year and they always seem so happy and they never fight. I wish I lived like that.

Sorry I wrote so much. This has been bothering me for so long and I wanted to get it out to someone other than her who just interrupts me when I try to state my opinion.

Thanks for listening!