Inspiring and intense marriage-problems stories

My marriage-problems story is a sad one because my husband is cheating on me and I suspect he has been doing this for some time now.
My friends tell me I should not accept it, hire somebody to get evidence and file for divorce.
Dump the cheating ba#@%&@@ !

I have the hardest time admitting to myself that this is happening to me, because for years everything seems to be fine: I never had serious marriage-problems!

A couple of months we celebrated my birthday and a couple of good friends, some family and the neighbours stopped by for dinner.
After dinner Ed and one of his friends were having drinks in the yard and I overheard him say things to his friend.

Ed was talking about stuff I didn’t even know anything about, like outings and references to another unknown friend. My own husband sounded like a stranger to me!

Next he was planning something and needed his friend’s help.
I felt a pang of something shot through my stomach.
Something was going on and it was definitely not good!

The following week I started checking on my husband’s whereabouts.
His schedule, money withdrawals, clothing; the standard stuff. Then I found text messages on his cell phone.
Suspicious text messages, intimate text messages, inappropriate text messages.

This was my wake up call.

It was as if I went on a rollercoaster ride: first I denied the whole thing, next I got mad, next cried my eyes out, next got very tired and depressed, back to mad again . . .
It was hard facing that my marriage was over.

I decided I wanted to meet “the other woman” or at least know who she was. I should not have done this.
After I saw a glimpse of her, I felt so hurt that I was ready to kill Ed. She could have been his daughter!

So that evening I confronted him. Actually I could not contain myself any more!

He first denied he was having an affair.
That made me almost explode.
I guess the lying ba#@%&@@ realize there was no point denying the whole thing so he coldly ask me what it was that I want.
That really broke my heart.
I did not just have marriage-problems, my marriage is definitely over.

• Marriage-Problems Tip:
Releasing some anger
A wonderful writing exercise to release some hidden anger:
“I am angry because . . .”

Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
Allow all anger to surface.

It is not important if this anger is justified or not.
Just feel your anger.

“I am angry because . . .”
Fill in the blanks and keep writing till you are done!
Your marriage-problems may not be over yet, but you will feel better and more able to think and observe clearly what is going on in your marriage!

A cheating-wife or cheating-husband: Can I save-my-marriage?

My ex wife and I were together for 10 years.
She was very controlling and sometimes I felt attacked by her. It was a very unpleasant situation and we defintely had marriage-problems.
After we had a big row about having a baby or not, we decided to separate.

Two years ago I got married again with Juli.
She is a different kind of woman. Before we got married we have discussed the baby issue and she agrees we are not going to have kids.
I thought it was settled then, but lately I feel something has changed between me and her.

I don’t know what it is.
All I know is that I feel uncomfortable again.
I am not sure where we are heading, but it sure feels like my uneasiness with my ex in the past.
I don’t want to get the same marriage-problems again!

• Marriage-Problems Tip:
Are there any patterns in your marriage-problems or relationship problems?

If so, would you like to change those marriage-problems patterns?
Do you believe patterns in marriage-problems can be changed at all?
Are you ready to do what it takes to change hindering patterns in your marriage-problems?

After the baby was born, my wife Crystal changed permanently.
The pregnancy was fine and of course we both needed to adjust, but once Brianna was born, Crystal has not been the same loving sweet wife I used to have.

My friends tell me to be patient because she will come around to her old self, that most people have marriage-problems like that, but I feel sort of abandoned by her.
In fact, I feel lonely at times and don’t know how to handle it.

Six months ago I lost my job and we are now having money problems beside marriage-problems!
Crystal is concerning herself totally with the baby and leaves the bills and money problems to me.
I feel that she could also do some job hunting and share the responsibility of providing for the family.
It’s really hard to discuss this thing.

I don’t feel happy, is my marriage in trouble now?
Do I have serious marriage-problems

• Marriage-Problems Tip:
Just how serious are your marriage-problems?

Find out with this Marriage-Problems Quiz quickly!

It is hard for me to say “no” at work and now that people are being laid off, it seems even harder for me.
So I work long hours and Kate, my wife is definitely nagging me about it.
Now I know she has a point, but she has to stop being difficult about it.
Nothing will change this way!

We have had several heated arguments about it and I don’t see why Kate gets so upset about it.
She wants some reassurance all the time but she is just adding more stress to my life.

Chloe-Mae & Chrissy: together for 3 years (Chrissy’s story)
Long distance relationship problems

I met Chloe-Mae when I was on vacation and visiting my aunt.
We were introduced at a party and I was head over heels in love with her.
We met for lunch the next day and talked and talked forever.
I actually planned to only stay a couple of days before moving on, but ended up staying the whole week.
It was a wonderful time!

Because of work and other ties we both have, we decided to continue a long distance relationship.
It is weird that one of us should leave her job and friends behind for us to live together, but now I am starting to feel irritated about the long distance situation.
We should take a step and do something, but who is going to make the move?

Caroline & Nathan: married for 10 years (Caroline’s Story Part 1)
Lazy husband marriage problems

I am tired of working my bones off, planning everything and taking care of everything.
We have four boys, 16, 13, 11 and 6 years old and besides taking care of them, I have a full time job.

Nathan works on a project basis so he is on and off work.
When he is off work and staying at home, the house is still a mess. I have to ask him each and every day to help out around the house.
When he is home the kids then suddenly seem to be ignorant of their cores and responsibilities.
They seem to have no respect and discipline any more.

Sometimes I really don’t know how to run everything anymore.
My husband is blind to my stress.
He says he needs time to acquire other project work, but it is safe to say that most of the time he is only thinking of himself and being a lazy husband!
And yes, at this stage I definitely have marriage-problems!!!

But what really drives me wild is that he has a bad influence on the boys and spoiling them.
I am sick and tired of this situation.

Are the tasks and contributions of both me and my spouse balanced enough in my marriage?
If not, how unbalanced is it and can I accept this?
Does this add up to my marriage-problems?
Is this a rational or more of an emotional conclusion?

I was married for 34 years when we got divorced.
My ex has remarried now and that is all I know about him.
Or better, all I care to know about him.

After 20 years or so of marriage it seems kind of obvious to know everything about each other without saying a word.
Maybe we had grown apart so much and were not really connecting any more.
Maybe we had serious marriage-problems.
I honestly don’t know.

However, I really thought we would be together forever.
Maybe we didn’t have the most exciting relationship, but we survived our friends’ their divorces second marriages and dramas.
I expected us to grow old together, but apparently there is no such thing anymore.

I was particularly very angry about Ken. leaving me behind after 34 years.
I felt it was rude, selfish and disrespectful to throw our marriage away just like you would an old pair of worn out shoes.
Among other things, marriage is some what of a sacrifice and my ex was being totally indecent and hurtful.

It took a couple of years for me to get used to the new situation of being alone.
Now I feel I could never love anybody the way I did Ken.

Some wounds never heal.

Jump-start your marriage successfully:

Inspiring Marriage-Problems Stories

To continue my marriage-problems story here . . .
When I was at my worst, I reached out for help.
Professional help, because I found out that confiding to friends, makes my problems the gossip of the day and I don’t want that.

I found a marriage-problems coach (I hate the therapy scene) and we started working on my marriage.
My husband has been cheating on me and I had a problem with it.
I was very angry and hurt.

I learnt to look at myself, the way I treat and disrespect myself.
Bit by bit I learnt how to accept myself and also appreciate myself.

We also zoomed in on what it is that I am expecting from my marriage, what I want from my husband and the marriage.
And most importantly how I can provide for this myself to get out of the need-mode.
During the hurt and anger release exercises, all hell broke loose!
It was amazing, how much anger was inside of me.
It is great and high time that I let go of this stuff !

I got a totally different perspective on my marriage-problems.
While I was having these marriage-problems coaching sessions, I hardly dealt with my husband.
Somehow he was not the focus anymore.
But strangely, he started to act differently.

He started to spend more time at home during the evenings, started to reach out and being really concerned asking how I was doing and stuff like that.
It was weird.

Four months into my marriage-problems coaching sessions he asked me to go out for dinner.
He told me he was not seeing ‘her’ anymore, that it was definitely over and that he deserved a second chance.

That week my marriage-problems coach and I had discussed forgiving and mainly how to forgive myself.
So when Ed was talking about him wanting a second chance, I broke down and cried right there in that restaurant.
It was hysterical!

But it felt good and Ed and I are really connecting again.

Because of all this I feel I have grown a lot.
I got to know myself a whole lot better.
I now know how to take care of myself and how to release anger and hurt.

With all this good stuff going on it seems that my marriage is taking care of itself!

• Marriage-Problems Tip:
Ask yourself:

Am I expecting too much from my marriage and my spouse ?
Could these expectations be the cause or partly be the cause of my marriage-problems?

Find out with this Marriage-Expectations-Quiz quickly!

Counseling (marriage-problems counseling) turned out to be hard work.
A lot of communication work, and during anger release Allison freaked out completely!

Think you know your wife after 18 years of marriage?!
Well, during that session I certainly did not know her, cause hell broke loose!

We had a long recap session and went home in a totally changed mood.
She was hurting and I could actually feel her pain!

At home we sat together for a long time doing nothing, just sitting together.

The past or future did not matter anymore for me.

I never felt so connected to any body in my life before!
Now I am sure we can work things out and we will be OK.

Two and a half years ago I got married again but two years into this marriage I felt something had changed between me and my new wife.
I don’t know what it was.
All I knew was that I felt uncomfortable again and felt like my uneasiness with my ex in the past.

A couple of months ago, some little issue triggered a big nasty thing.
I ended up talking to a good friend who also is a professional marriage-problems coach.

I got introduced to inner work and went through all kinds of heavy things about my parents, specially my mother and my inner child.
It was a great process and I am very grateful for this experience.

I feel light and happy.

I am also enjoying life with Juli very much better without doing anything special about it.

She is also doing this inner work process right now and it is the best investment for our marriage!
Juli is my perfect mate!

My wife was nagging a lot and I was not really thrilled about it.
Recently good friends of mine got separated after having real big marriage-problems and it hit me that my marriage might be heading in that direction if I don’t do something about it.
My parents also had marriage-problems and were separated and I definitely do not want to go that way!

On the internet I found some good advice and started the “observe without judgement” mode whenever Kate went into her nagging routine.

At first it was hard not to jump in and be reactive to her stuff.
But I got better at it and just kept observing what was going on with her and also what went on inside of me.

I got great control over this “observe without judgement” thing that I started using it at work as well.
It was very powerful.

I could see myself reacting to things that really did not require my response at all!
For example at work sometimes people were just testing the waters and if I did not take the bait, the dirty job was passed along to somebody else.

There was no need to argue or to say “no” or do anything else but observe and keep on observing.

It was so cool!

Kate also changed.
It seems she got more relaxed and easy going.
I am giving her my full attention when I am “observing”.

I am really open and listening to her. She is happy and I am happy.
We are going to make it in a totally new way!

I have a family to take care of and a full time job.
Nathan, my husband is not doing his part of the deal and has lots of reasons why he can’t help out.
But the truth is that I have a lazy husband.

Two months ago I got laid off at work and I really was at the verge of a nervous breakdown.
I started kicking the boys around like crazy and I was yelling at Nathan.
He was not going to get away with sleeping in late every day and doing nothing!

This got the men in shape for about a week and next they fell back into their good old selves.
I was ready to walk out of there!

I still did not find a new job and I started to get really depressed when my sister asked me to think about a really important question: “Do I respect myself?”

I wanted to be respected, acknowledged and supported by others, but did I actually respect, acknowledge and support myself?
No need to think about that for very long, because it was obvious I did NOT respect myself the way I wanted others to respect me!

It was painful, but it was true.

My next step was to change my priorities to really start respecting my needs, my wishes, and my time.
It was sort of a make-over.

I stopped worrying about paying the bills and finding a new job.
I started relaxing more instead of cleaning after the men in my family.

I was enjoying myself more.
With a bunch of girl friends we brainstormed about our lives and what kind of work we wanted to do.
And we had a passionate sharing about our lazy husbands!
It was great fun!

Next my sister taught me to do the “observe without judgement” when dealing with Nathan.
I don’t know how she got that stuff, but it works!

I can see how Nathan feels attacked by me and the “observe without judgement” was not offensive in that respect.

Next I started saying to myself when dealing with Nathan’s unwillingness to help out:
“Nathan, I find love in your perfection.”

It was weird cause I used to get worked up about it so much and I was just getting used to the “observe without judgement” thing.
Now I had to find perfection in Nathan’s laziness . . .

After keeping up with this perfection thing for a week or so, something incredibly strange happened.
I really started feeling Nathan’s perfection, the beauty of how he is, as he is.

He is just Nathan, nothing more and nothing less and it was OK, you know!

And I started feeling a stream of love and warmth flooding my whole system.
Tears popped up out of sheer joy it was so beautiful, so perfect!

Then Nathan looked at me with this strange look in his eyes and he got up from his chair put his arms around me and said
“Honey are you all right?”

He was 100% there for me and I am all right!

SBI!