Mother-daughter and other-women:

Are other-women problems in your life ?

Mother-Daughter Relationship-Problems may be the root of these !

Want to know the secret to handle problems with other-women ?

Find out how this works and some mother-daughter-relationship-problems tips to handle this!

Valerie, daughter of Lisa
My mother’s voice surfaced again in my head!

Today I met with a woman in a meeting at work. Let’s call her Lucy.
Lucy belonged to the supplier group and I belong to the customer group and we had a customer account meeting.

I did not feel comfortable with Lucy at all.
I noticed she is one of those women who assert her male qualities heavily.
Qualities like being dominant, being assertive to plain aggressive, speaking in a loud voice, interrupting me others, overruling others, pushing her way through the meeting and not wanting to listen to others.
Nothing sweet about this Lucy woman.

And from a business point of view, she was being totally disrespectful to the customer!

By the way Lucy looked I could tell she was not in sparkling health, although she just returned from time off.
To make things worse, the way Lucy presented herself reminded me somehow of my mother.
This triggered my mother-daughter-relationship-problems.

As the meeting progressed Lucy presented her agenda item.
At this point I was so fed up with Lucy, that I started finding arguments to attack her agenda item thoroughly.
Fireworks went off in the room, I gave her shit!
Of course she did not acknowledge my point, but I was not giving her an inch.

The chair of the meeting put a stop on our discussion and deferred the agenda item to some later date.
I scored; Lucy would not have her way today!

She and I exchanged nasty looks as we left the room as we both apparently took it personal. Very personal actually.

The next day it was still bothering me.
The way Lucy looked, her dress, her hair-do, her smell, the sound of her voice, the way she speaks and interrupts people….everything about her irritated me.
I had strong opinions about this woman!

So I looked for colleagues who would share the same opinion and who would confirm to me that this woman is a total bitch.

But this did not satisfy me.
I decided to do some inner work on the Lucy incident, because I realized this incident had to do with my mother-daughter relationship-problems.
It was not the first time I got in trouble with other women either.

During my lunch break I went to the park and sat quietly for awhile focusing on my breathing.
As I slowed down, I started feeling what was going on in me when I met with Lucy yesterday.
I asked myself what it was that I heard her say to me in her non-verbal communication.
This is what came to me, this is what I heard her “say” to me in an unspoken whisper but loudly and clearly to be heard:
“You are a woman and thus you are weak. What can you possibly do in life? You are powerless. You mean nothing to me, get out of my sight little girl!”

As I realized that I was being triggering by this kind of a message, I started feeling the rejection of being judged a “weak female”. And I felt the pain.

This trigger also sounded like the voice of my mother.
I remember my mother used to be afraid of being a weak and helpless woman and hated my girlish behavior even when it was appropriate while I was very young.
These and other incidents make up for my mother-daughter-relationship-problems!
And these mother and daughter issues get me in trouble with other women too!

I allowed the pain to be and just experienced it for awhile. Tears came.

As my lunch break came to an end, I dried my face.
Next I started laughing about the whole incident.
This little girl in me felt hurt so much because of these mother-daughter issues.
The adult woman in me was OK with being “insulted” like this during the meeting with Lucy. The adult woman has learnt to enjoy being a woman finding strength in female ways of being and doing. But the little girl surfaced and expressed her hurts to be handled.

The little girl needed attending to and validation that she was OK and doing all right.

I walked from the park back to the office in my most feminine walk. Another pressing mother and daughter issue addressed today!

Jenn, daughter of Cathy
Mother-daughter-relationship-problems: my mother surfaced in my boss!

This is how my mother-daughter-relationship-problems get me in trouble with other-women.
I’m a registered nurse and work in a team with mostly women. Last year Judith became head of the team.
I could tell that Judith was not feeling comfortable around me. She avoided eye contact, kept conversations short and turns away from me more often than not.
I asked a colleague if she noticed the same things about Judith, but she told me not to be over-sensitive.

At a certain moment Judith gave me a cold shoulder and this was really getting to me!
I decided to discuss this with a counselor before I would actually quit my job.
This was so intense: I felt so isolated and ignored as if I didn’t exist at all!

The counselor wasn’t into digging in childhood traumas and all that but at a certain point I blurted out that this incident and these feelings of isolation and denial reminded me of how I my Mom treated me.
I cried my eyes out and almost could not stop sobbing!

Recognizing how I get triggered to feel ignored, rejected and denied by senior women at work, was a major eye opener for me.
Somehow my Mom never got out of my system.
These mother-daughter issues just keep lingering on until they are being handled as the mother-daughter-relationship-problems they are.

Within a month I could empathize more with Judith.
How she was new at her job and how she was having trouble being the head and feeling uncomfortable with managing the team.

I told her I imaged how busy she was and how much pressure she endured and if I could, I would be glad to help her out.
She relaxed a lot around me and started trusting me more. From that point on, our working relationship got better and better.

Marina, daughter of Vanessa
Mother-daughter-relationship-problems: things got rough

When I was 15 years old I started dating Mark.
At that time Mark was 21. We were very much in love and I felt totally cared for and loved when I was with him.

But my mom disapproved, big time!
She disapproved not just because of the age difference.
My mom disapproved also because when she was my age and in love, she got pregnant.

Next, her lover (my father!) disappeared on her.
My mom raised me as a single parent and I guess it was hard on her sometimes.
She was determined to protect me from Mark and stop the same thing happening to me. I understand that, but with Mark and me, it was true love.

After seeing each other for about 6 months, Mark asked me to marry him.
I said “Yes” because it felt really good and because I also wanted to get away living with my mom.
You see, my mom had a bit of drinking problem.
When she drank she was not my mom, she turned into some kind of evil woman. Really awful and scary!

Waiting for a good moment I told my mom about Mark proposing to get married. Mom freaked out and went berserk!
“It was not up for discussion, period”, she yelled.

A week or two went by.
Mark and I decided to elope, because I couldn’t take it anymore and my 16th birthday was coming up soon.

I made the mistake of telling my mom that I was going to leave.
She had been drinking that evening and went totally berserk again.
She started yelling at me and slapping my head, my back, everywhere she could hit me.
She called me names but next she yelled that Mark was going to abuse me and leave me heartbroken.
I lost it and grabbed a lamp post and hit my mom.
She lost her balance and hit her head against the coffee table and fell down.

I ran out of the house and a few blocks away from home, I called Mark to pick me up.
We left that Friday.
The next day I told Mark what went down with my mom.
He was shocked, because before I was telling terrible things about wanting my mom to die or get an accident and all that.

Mark said we had to go back and check on my mom. I panicked out because I was so scared.

So went back home and my mom was gone!
We went to the neighbors and were told that they had found her and called an ambulance.
Mom was in the hospital with a head injury, but alive.
I never told anybody about what happened because I was so ashamed.

In that period I pretty much kept to myself, didn’t have friends at school.
I never had girl friends and in my adult life, I don’t trust women and don’t allow them to get close to me.

At this point I my daughter Claire is one year old.
Mark and I got married when I was 18 and now with the baby, we have our own family.

When I first gave birth to Claire I could not hold her and even look at her.
I felt a repulsion so strong like I never felt before. It was totally physical as well as how I felt and in my mind.
It was really bad and Mark made me go to a counselor for the sake of Claire.

First I consulted a female counselor, but I just couldn’t relate to her.
Maybe it was the hormones, but I totally cramped trying to talk to this woman.

Finally she got me referred to a male counselor and here my mother-daughter-relationship-problems surfaced.

I still have a long way to go, but I’m making progress.
I want to be a good loving mother for Claire and someday I will come to terms with my mom, I’m sure.

Your mother-daughter-relationship is at the core of all your relationships. How?
Your mother taught you how to relate to her when you were growing up.
She taught you what is good and what is bad. She taught you what she expected from you.
What makes her happy about you and what she approves of you.
Also what deserves her disapproval.
Which topics and issues are open for discussion and which ones are not.

Your mother also taught you how to handle your emotions.
If and when it’s OK for you to show anger, frustration or pain.
If it’s OK to be happy and to show feelings of happiness.
What to do when you feel hurt and how to name this feeling.

In short, your mother showed you what feelings to express, to suppress, to tolerate and how.

She taught you this and more by telling you about it.
Moreover, she set an example for you and showed you how she responses to life situations.

Transferring your mother-daughter issues to other relationships

Your emotions in the relationship with your mother will transfer to your other relationships.
It will transfer specifically to your relationship with other women.

Sensitivities that are present in your relationship with your mother may also be triggered in your relationships with other-women.
Specially other women in senior roles.

If your mother denied certain aspects of you, you may react more sensitive to other-women who also deny something about you.
This may or may not become patterns in your life.

• Mother-Daughter-Relationship-Problems Tip:
Observe, observe, observe.
If you have strong emotions, allow them to be.
Don’t act upon those strong emotions.

Suspend your judgements for now.
Don’t focus on any strong opinions that you may have for now.
Don’t interpret anything.

Just be open minded and look at what is really happening.
How you behave, react, how you feel.

Just observe it all.

Are men are more straightforward ?!
Do you prefer to interact with men in your life, at work and as friends?
Chances are you are not happy about your relationships with other women.
Chances are this originates in relationship-problems with your mother.

• Mother-Daughter-Relationship-Problems Tip:
Want to find out in what state your mother-daughter-relationship might be in?

Do the mother-daughter-relationships-quiz!



What to do about mother-daughter-relationship-problems . . .

Having mother-daughter-relationship-problems is unpleasant enough and getting in trouble with other women in your life is worse!
What to do about this?

• The first this got do is to look at what’s going on . . .
• Observe, observe, observe

• Recognize who and what triggers you
• Recognize patterns of how you react to these triggers
• Work on your pain relating to your mother
• Get to forgiveness:
• Forgive yourself, your mother and other women in your life
• Release all old issues, pain, patterns, and behaviours• Be free of the past!

If you need help with these steps, reach out and take the first step!


• Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems Tip:
Ask yourself:
Do I recognize mother-daughter relationship patterns in my life ?

If so would I like to change those patterns now ?

Do I believe mother-daughter-relationship-problems and mother daughter patterns can be changed at all ?
Am I ready to do what it takes to change hindering mother and daughter patterns ?

How serious are your mother-daughter-relationship-problems?

Find out with this Mother-Daughter-Relationships-Problems-Quiz quickly!


And am I ready to forgive my mother at this point ?


Want to find out some great ways to improve your mother-daughter- relationship ?

Here are 12 Top Tips for Daughters !


Find out what women shared on the Mother Daughter Wall . . .


Want to look at your other important relationships?