Mother-Daughter-Relationships Stories

Cynthia, daughter of Barby:
My mother-daughter-relationships story is pretty intense!

My mother has let abuse happen! I do realize I have a relationship problem with both my parents.

My father abused me sexually when I still lived with my parents. It started when I was 13 years old.
He also abused my younger sister. It was horrible and I left home right after high school graduation. I felt sorry for my younger sister, and quite guilty too but I could not take it any more, I could not stay there any more.

Being in college I found myself a counselor, because I got very intense nightmares.
We worked through a lot of stuff.

At a certain point I realized that my mother should have suspected that something was not right.
After some time I confronted her and just asked her out of the blue about the abuse stuff.
Mother took some moments to recover from me finding out about her part in this abuse thing.
Next she coldly told me in my face that she knew what her husband was doing all those years!!!

Then is was my turn to be shocked.

Many questions came up in my mind.
Why didn’t she get a divorce?
Why didn’t she put up a fight?
Did she felt powerless?
Was it because of the company she and father ran together?
Couldn’t she do anything at all to be a mother to her two daughters?!


• Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems Tip:
Get to know your mother as a real person.
Who is she? What is her view of life? What are her worst fears?
Does she feel a victim herself?
Did she experience abuse herself?
Does she feel powerless in her life?


• Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems Tip:
Ask yourself: What do my mother’s issues have to do with ME?


• Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems Tip:

Ask yourself: Will there be a time that I can let go and forgive both my parents?

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Bernice, daughter of Helga:
I think she did not want me

Bernice who shares her mother-daughter-relationships story here, also has an intense story:
I do understand and appreciate the situation my mother was in when I was born. I have never known my father and my mother was very young when I was born.
She was not ready at all to have me and take good care of me.

Last year I finally allowed myself to feel my anger.
Anger because my mother did not want me as her daughter.
Because she made me feel like a burden to her, an accident when she was young and stupid.
All my life I have felt rejected by her.

Anger also because she always criticized me for everything I did.
She never complimented me.
Something was always wrong, not good enough.
My mother is judgmental and negative and she never gave me love.

A lot of anger came up because she did not want to be there for me. She was just not available when things happened.
When I hurt my knee badly as a child.
Or when I gave a school performance. Or some of my birthdays.
Or when I graduated.

I also recognize that I apparently attract people who seem OK, but later on start criticizing and rejecting me in one shape or another.
I now can see that it has to do with how my mother treated me when I was growing up.


• Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems Tip:
Are there any patterns in your life?

• Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems Tip:
A wonderful writing exercise to release some hidden anger: “I am angry because . . .”
Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Allow all anger to surface.
It is not important if this anger is justified or not.
Just feel your anger.

“I am angry because . . .”
Fill in the blanks and keep writing till you are done!

• Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems Tip:


Ask yourself: Did or does my mother know what love is?

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Floortje, daughter of Andrea:
She is as cold, manipulative and totally dishonest at times

My Mother is OK. Sometimes she is very cold and scheming.
She manipulates people into doing things her way.
Guilt trips.
She doesn’t mind lying and being dishonest if that gives her what she wants.
She makes you a lot of promises then forgets.
Or comes up what some excuse.
She can be totally unreliable and dishonest!
I can’t trust her really.

My Dad left her years ago and Mother has had many other men.
She always sort of seduces them and gets them to do stuff for her and give her money.
I sometimes feel sorry for these guys, because I know my Mother well.

For example when we go to a party, she is having a great time talking to her friends and people she never met before.
But in the car on our way home she tells me how disgusting those people were and how she hated the party.
She goes on and on about how bad it all was.
Sometimes I think she is just crazy.
I know I have a mother-daughter-relationships problem!
But I make sure I don’t fall into her traps anymore!

• Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems Tip:
Want to to find out in what state your mother-daughter-relationship might be in?

Do the mother-daughter-relationships-quiz!


Kyra, daughter of Alexandra:
I am afraid of her when she gets out of control!

Kyra also has a mother-daughter-relationships story to tell
My mom was a very intense person. Maybe because she had Greek blood.
To her, life was a drama.
To me her moods and emotions were over the top.

When I was a child, I was scared of her when she was crying, being angry, yelling.
It was not even directed towards me but when she gets into one of these dramas, I want to run.
Even when she is praying the intensity of it all, makes me uncomfortable.
When she was mad at me, I just froze and shut down for a while.

Mom also had periods of substance abuse when she drank a little too much.
She also went to some clinic to get better. When she returned home, I was always tensed. When would be her next outburst?

When she went on one of her many diets, the whole town had to know about it.
Somehow Mom was bigger than life itself.
She dominated our family with her dramas.

For a long time, I believed that it was somehow my fault.
Specially when she passed away, I felt extremely guilty that she was not happy during the last years of her life.
It took me years and a couple of therapists understand these mother-daughter-relationships dynamics.
And to see how this “Greek tragedy” is nobody’s fault.

• Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems Tip:
Ask yourself: Do I see myself as the scapegoat of my mother’s issues or problems?
Is this a fact in my mother-daughter-relationship or only my perception of my mother-daughter-relationship?
Is this a rational conclusion?



Sharon and Lauren, daughters of Melanie:
Our Mom worked really hard!

When Lauren and I were growing up, our mom was always busy and working a couple of jobs at the time.
Our dad’s health was bad and so he sometimes got laid off and while recovering and applying for another job, he stayed at home.
He stayed at home, but did nothing.
Mom cooked our meals, did laundry and paid the bills.
Lauren and I got groceries and helped with cleaning and other chores from a very young age.

One incident I remember very clearly.
My aunt who is dad’s older sister, once visited us for a week.
She noticed mom being busy all the time while dad was doing nothing.
My aunt turned to me and Lauren and said:
“Because of your mom’s activity all the time she totally inhibits your dad to do anything at all.
Your dad has no reason to do anything while she is do dominantly active.
Lauren and I were perplexed!

The sad thing is that Lauren and I ended up in a similar situation as our mom did.
Lauren’s husband took off a couple of years ago.
My husband does not seem to be able to hold on to a job for longer than 3 months or so.
I wonder what is going on.
I wonder if my daughter Emily will also end up with a poor providing, lazy husband.
Is it in our genes somehow?!
I certainly hope not, because I believe that I deserve a fair and balanced relationship!
I am tired of these mother-daughter-relatonships stuff!


• Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems Tip:
If you recognize mother-daughter-relationships patterns in your life, would you like to change those patterns?
Do you believe mother-daughter-relationships patterns can be changed at all?
Are you ready to do what it takes to change hindering mother-daughter-relationships patterns?




P O E M

Mother, Mother, your pain was my milk,
Sap of my branching bones.
They are strong now, like cold steel,
But have always cried for sun.
My birth ripped you only once –
You have been spared the others;
But I, watching myself emerge,
Don’t know whose blood this is.

Mother, Mother, your tears flow
In my slated body
And tides pull my life over yours.
Our speech becomes clearer as I wake
And your death grows rich in ease.
Mother, Mother, welcome into my form;
Let us breathe together.

Judith Anderson





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