Rejected by My Elderly Mother

by Laurie
(New York)

My mother has always been a pretty selfish, self indulgent woman.

Food was strictly limited when I was little, but she always had her weekly box of chocolates; money was scarce for clothes, but she was always dressed very smartly, and I remember only having 2 outfits at a time in my wardrobe.

She took money from me on a couple of occasions; twice she made me hand over money I'd saved in a school savings scheme (about $60 in the early 1960s); then later on after I came back from college for a year or two, I discovered she forged my signature to get an insurance policy of mine that matured.
That was supposed to pay for my wedding, but she spent it on a luxury holiday for herself.
My husband and I ended up paying for the wedding ourselves.

All through my childhood she sent me to the grocery store EVERY DAY, no matter what the weather, to buy something or other, it was like she just wanted to prove and reinforce her control over me.

We frequently had massive rows when I was a teenager, worse when I came home from 3 years at college.

I got married, chiefly to get away from her, but strangely she found it hard to let go, and would invite herself to stay for a few days a couple of times a year.

My first husband passed away shortly after our son was born, and she was pretty supportive.
I felt she'd redeemed herself and we seemed to get along better.

I remarried, and I thought everything was OK.
I've just recently discovered, though, that she stole the cine tape of my first wedding and gave it to my brother's father-in-law, who'd been asking about it for several years.

She kept asking me when I was going to give it to the guy (his grand-daughters, my nieces, were in the video when they were little) but I kept saying "why would he want to have it? That's the only movie I have of my late husband."
Knowing she was being annoyed by the guy, I hid the film each time she came, but it seems she searched through the house when we were both out at work, and although we've literally turned the whole house upside down it's completely disappeared.

The thing is, the guy passed away just before Christmas, so I guess there's no chance I'll ever see it again.

My husband and I went over to my mother's before Christmas and searched as much as we could (which wasn't that much) and asked her about it, but she says she rang my brother (why???) and asked if he had it, and he obviously said he didn't know what she was talking about.

She refused to go to my brother's father in law's funeral, saying she felt ill - I think she didn't want to face awkward questions.
We haven't seen her since then, she's asked me not to go over, for several excuses; she doen't feel well, the doctor told her she mustn't be in the company of anyone who's had the swine flu (I had it over Christmas, but I'm totally over it now), which I find hard to swallow.

I feel totally betrayed, and rejected.
To think my own mother has searched my house for the film, the only film of my late husband who I loved very much and who died a tragic death.

Then she's given it to someone who has hundreds of video films of his grand children.
My son now has no recollection of what his father was like, apart from photos, which don't really show the real him.

How do I deal with such betrayal?
She's 90 now, and I don't want to have a stand up fight with her, but I can't forgive this thing she's done. I feel very bitter that our relationship is going to end this way.