The baby in me
does not cry anymore

by Nancy Niemeyer
(Holland, Rotterdam area)

The baby in me does not cry anymore

Goodness! If there were to be a witch in my life, that would definitely be my mom.

Demanding, never satisfied with who I am and whatever I did, always complaining, super harsh, distant...

And I kept giving her flowers and little presents to try to win her over, silly me!


And this is really my story: I was the only child and I felt suffocated with practical daily care so that I could reach, in life, what my parents could not reach in theirs.

My mom had her own pains from the past on top of the ones she was accumulating in her present which made her super scared for the future ...
If I could had seen that in her before, I would certainly not have taken it so personally.


Daddy was also not the angel I thought he was when compared to mom. I am now aware that not all my traumas (haha) were triggered by my mom's behaviour.
But, in fact, what can a child do when she does not understand the grown-ups stuff. Boy, they can react really bad!


Nowadays, I am able to laugh at the baby who was astonished by the reactions she would get from her parents.
It's just like a comedy ... but oh, well, sometimes the jokes are not really that funny, I must say.


Now the baby has found out about my way of looking at things. It has become an observer too and we share many great laughs together.


My mom is a precious person to me. I have discovered her again under the debris of my anger and frustrations.


I love her and enjoy her company.
I can see she is proud of me and is not so worried about how I will deal with life anymore. I guess she can feel there is love enough to make the world open its doors to me.


Yes, I am a happy daughter - I have a mom!

Love and peace to all :-)


Nancy